Train Spotters

Do you think that train spotters are born with their compulsion or do they learn it? I'm with Lady Ga Ga on this subject as I have personal experience. Scientist have proved...(can't say that without picturing Dougie Squire's Second Generation wearing lab coats and glasses, dancing on a stage lift at the Talk of The Town in that TV advert for some washing powder or other)..they have proved that young brains, male brains in particular, go through a kind of growth spurt around the ages of 3-5 where, any and all information is sucked up into the cerebral cortex and regurgitated at will.

When I was 5, I could name every make and model of car on the road. To be fair, there were probably not that many makes of car on the road to Fleetwood in 1968 but it proves mine and Dougie Squire's theory that young brains are eager to absorb.

There was a young lad in my home town of Blackburn who had memorised the entire street map. His father would trundle the boy out to impress his pals. "Russell" (I'm going to call him Russell because I feel that someone with that name could move on from childhood trauma and please God lose his virginity before the age of 27) "How to you get from Cedar Street to Lower Barnes Street?" Little Russell would take a moment. Squint and push his National Health specs back onto the bridge of his nose while Dad makes lots of 'wait until you hear this!' gestures to his bored mates. The gathered men found themselves leaning in towards the child as his soft voice started the route "You go down the east Lancs road to t'traffic lights and turn left into Market Street and take the first on't right into viaduct lane...." Mouths fall open as the boy goes on for another minute or so and names every avenue, snicket and ginnell between the two streets. Hardly Motzart but a gifted child in his own sphere. A gift like that could have got you a spot on the Moss Empires variety circuit in 1927.

The train spotters cluster around the end of platforms like pidgeons round a kentucky box. Used to be cameras around their necks. It's phones now unless you're hardcore but the jackets have never changed. Where do you find a beige body warmer with 18 pockets? Is there a shop somewhere that was set up by the retired costume designer from 'Daktari'? I have visions of a mature Russell fumbling his way into a small dark shop in a side street in Droylsden. As Russell's eyes grow accustomed to the gloom, a leathery hand sweeps back the beaded curtain to the stock room and the unmistakable syrup of plums voice of Peter Wyngarde, tape measure in hand, speaks..."Ah Mr Blacklege, we have been expecting you"